Sponge Bucket: October 2012

week two in barcelona was a lot like week one — going to the beach in the morning, making a quick visit to the markets on the way home; watching keeping up the with kardashians and taking a siesta in the afternoon; consuming a few bottles of wine and some olives for dinner, etc. etc. the only difference, perhaps, was that charlie and i became slightly more motivated to do some sightseeing, given our time together — and charlie’s european holiday — was rapidly coming to a close.

in order to maximise the number of sights we could see, we decided we needed to hire a car for a day; however, this proved to be a slightly daunting prospect, as the europeans not only drive on the other side of the road but the other side of the car as well. and since charlie lacks a driver’s licence, it looked like it would be i who was getting behind the wheel. however, we had spotted several people cruising around the city in comically small smart cars and thought maybe this could be an option of us, given there is only one front seat and therefore no tricky right-handed gear changing necessary. rather ironic considering when we were in paris and saw a couple smooshed into what really can only be described as a double-seated bike with a roof, we both guffawed loudly and said,’ what kind of douchebags would be seen driving around in that thing??’

well, as it turns out, we are those kinds of douchebags. we were giddy with excitement when the dude showed us how to recharge our renault twizy (it was electric… the future is here peeps!) and toot the horn (a whimsical little ‘woo-oo-oo! woo-oo-oo!’ that wouldn’t startle a pigeon, let alone alert another car of an impending crash). as we zipped off down the street, we were squealing with delight and charlie came up with a rap song, which she proceeded to sing for the duration of the day (no stereo system in an electric car). it went something along the lines of: ‘ridin’ in the twizy, gettin’ busy in the city; in barcelona, i’m gon own her, hit the beach with my corona’. clearly i had the next nicki minaj in the back seat.

over the course of the day we visited such sights as the sagrada familia, park güell, parc de la ciutadella and gaudi’s two famous buildings, casa batlló and case milá. we zipped up and down la rambla, people laughing, pointing and taking photos of us at every opportunity (born exhibitionists, we naturally loved every minute of it). we got lost in one of barcelona’s most hilliest and confusing suburbs (you try doing hill-starts in a golf buggy!); drove to the beach in nothing but our swimmers and towels so we could — finally — go swimming in the sea together without fear of our things being looted; and charlie reversed the car into a bin, smashing out the taillight in full view of our sniggering neighbours*.

however, the most exciting (read: terrifying) moment of our time with the twizy came upon trying to return it. the shop we hired it from was on a one-way street and try as we might, we could not figure out how to get on that side of the road. we drove past the shop about 10 times before we thought we’d finally figured it out. alas…. no. somehow we found ourselves on the mutha flippin’ highway, sandwiched between two monster trucks and about to enter a very long, dark and scary tunnel. bear in mind that the maximum speed a twizy can muster is 42km/h and these guys were going faaaast. charlie and i resumed our squealing but this time it was in sheer terror as the truck behind us let out a massive ‘burrrrrrrr’ on his horn and came so far up our asses, it was practically rape. when we finally exited and pulled over, charlie was bawling her eyes out and i, shaking like a leaf, just kept saying things along the lines of, ‘fuck. oh fuck. oh good god fuck. fuuuuck.’

we decided to abandon the car and walk to the shop, where we tearfully shrieked our story to the handsome young spaniard who had been so kind to us earlier. he and charlie went to get the car while i drank a glass of water and smoked a cigarette to try and calm myself down. we walked away that day $200 lighter for the smashed taillight and a newfound respect for how precious life is. when the time came for charlie to leave barcelona, we hugged farewell, closer friends than ever before and full of beautiful memories of our european summer together.

and then suddenly, i was on my own again.

* for the record, charlie did an excellent job of driving us to the beach straight after. i had parked us in a very tight spot and the smashed taillight came as a result of her trying to do a three-point turn between another car and the bin… not easy for someone who doesn’t have their licence!